Humm

What going on....

Candy
I'm getting lots of free testers as the Pharmacy closes down
Guitar Hero - My Name is Jonas, still trying to perfect it
Short shorts and the smell of tan
Atmosphere - shoulda known ... like Wow
Sitting in my window sill looking like Annie
Finding out the Nat has only every slept with girls
Seeing my ears slowly stretching
Cry Baby with Johnny Depp, Wow Hatchett Face was toooo much
Rediscovering Chromeo Fancy Footwork
Thinking about getting a job and getting Money Money Money
Smoking much too much weed
Eating much too much yum
Plans of giant parties in a mansion!!
Realising that this could be the end of the story of Josh and I
Many frappacinos with huge splifs
Stop smoking with Aaron cause that boy rolls a ciggy but puts a little weed in it, whats the point dude?
Pomergranites are back in season
My Puppy
Trying to find something to do on Christmas on my lonesome

Ten-year-old tourist girl wearing pink Crocs: Smoking is bad for you!
Smoking queer: Crocs are for retarded kids who can't tie their own shoes.


Lou has said: "I know I'm dressed wrong if the businessman turns his head. But I like to think that after an hour of sitting next to me on the train, he'd look. I'd have grown on him."
Lou Dillon

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, too rare to die."
Hunter S. Thompson

Queer on cell: I know... I know! Gosh, that is sooo gay!
(bewildered elderly lady looks at him)
Queer to elderly lady (in shrieking voice): Oh my god, oh my god, the faggot said gay!

“Man, I see in fight club the strongest and smartest men who’ve ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see squandering. God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don’t need. We’re the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War’s a spiritual war… our Great Depression is our lives. We’ve all been raised on television to believe that one day we’d all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won’t. And we’re slowly learning that fact. And we’re very, very pissed off.”

- Tyler Durden in Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk


Huge man to small child trying to participate in conversation: No, son, we're not talking about your school--we're talking about Bam! You trying to get all up in the Kool-Aid, but you don't even know the flavor.

I don't think I can pretend any more and live in this house. I've ealised other than puppy I am not happy about anything around me at the moment. So I am going to Layals to smoke and smoke till I know what I want to do. I'm not sure how much to leave behind and what to take with me, I have some sort of journey waiting on the other side of this decision but I'm not sure where too. For now Layal's and the boys places will be cool. Oh I hope Eli is alright at his flat and that Brie hasn't gone and partied off too much more weight. Oh I've been thinking of him alot lately. I know in my perfect world we could be happy just chilling for all time. But suposibly theres more to life then that. argh.

Josh just told me on our walk to Starbucks to get a frappa

-little detour here-/I am ashamed of my addiction, sorry. I don't drink coffee and if I did the last place I would go would be to a Starbucks, but I still have not found a place that makes anything close to their frappacinos.No where.Well I didn't even get one in the end cause it was closed, honestly, why close if your a Starbucks.Cunts.\

that I have two weeks to do SOMETHING, he said he doesn't care what, don't care if I don't work or anything.He recommended I go on anti depressants or something. I have to talk to a councillor or go tot he doctor.Or just try.

But I don't know if I care, I don't know if I want to try. What am I trying for? What am I trying to save? Is anything worth the effort anymore. I'm pretty sure I'll be discussing my options with my journal quite a bit the next week or so. It's nice having someone to talk to. Someone who doesn't know who I am or where I came from.

I don't want to go back to mums, or have to give up puppy. But I might have to do both.

Wheres my very own desert island......

I've been trying not to smoke so much this week, but now that I'm dry I'm having trouble with the whole thing...Just one smoke a day is ok right. I still stand by my one promise, if I had enough weed I'd never stop smoking, ever.
Had weird dreams of mum driving with lots of kids in the car, real dangerously and being a real bitch. I wanted to kill her or myself, it was so too much, I woke up so shitty. But I saw my giant James and Hannah so that was kinda nice. I forgot how big he was. Argh but mum is still pissing me off cause I know she would act exactly like the lady in my dream. Doesn't that suck, when your shitty at someone for what your mind made them do.
Got the Cross St Carnival today.FUCK.I really don't give two shits about 'the scene'!!!Josh will run off with them and go to the exclusive after party etc etc. I really hate being all up in the scene. Argh. But maybe craftwerk will have something cool.Hopefully get home early and have a big smoke!!!

but chick flicks sound like a better idea....

I think the best way for me to celebrate Valentines today will be to lye in bed all day watching porn. Then when Josh gets home it'll be dissapionting and I'll go to bed/sleep.I'm glad its rainy, I don't feel so bad about lying in bed wasting time when I know most of the population is wishing they were doing just that. I'm living their dream in my everyday lucid nightmare. Argh.
But I think I may cook up a big pot of rice today and just eat rice for a few days. Hopefully I can get under 45. Tuna and rice. Hmmmm. I wish I had those bento-y japanese thingys so I could make the rice pretty and have funny little egg/carrot/tomato/crazy japanese cute little faces and cats and eyes etc etc. Oh to dream.        

why dont i shit pies.that would make today so easy.all i want is a pie.chicken and veg or spinach and feta or even a good steak and cheese.joel had a pie for lunch then arron came back to the office and told me all about the best pie ever he just ate from a amazing italian bakery down the road.its a sign that i should eat a pie.but i went food shopping last nite, packed my lunch.banana nectarine and yoghurt.So I am trying to be brave and just eat these for lunch.but pies honestly they are my down fall.

not so fucked up at the moment.but still pretty over all this crap.i think having Joel working round the corner is saving me from banging my head against the wall.i think i will start writting a diary again.i have so many things in my head that i dont want to have to tell someone for it not to explode.writting shit down should help.had a major binge last nite.i need to be more carefull cause i just get on a roll then keep going untill i fall asleep.the flat wants me to make cup cakes tonight so hopefully i get worn out making and decorating them and dont eat any or many.gosh work is such a drag.kinda over having josh stay every night too. but i get that his place is soo boring.but i would like sometime in bed to myself.oh well

Had a really bad day yesterday, and the day before. Spent yesterday lying in bed crying and sleeping. Was all to much for me. Not so bad today. Mainly because it is Friday. I think I will spend the weekend baking and reading. I really need to go for a walk because my legs are so big at the moment. I have about 5kgs to go till I reach my goal weight. Not too bad but I want it to come off my arse and thighs.

Last day before my holiday.Dam I wish I had money to spend on my way down.I can't be fecked searching for radio stations all the way down so I'm going to borrow my little sisters MP 3 player. But that means an extra 45 minutes of driving tomorrow.This is going to be such a mission. Although New Zealands tiny compared to everywhere else, driving half way down it is not an easy task.It would be soo much better if Josh drove too.But then alot of things would be better if.....
Writing big lists all day. -charge batteries-pack bags-change wiper blades-get film for camera.....

GOSH my boss is an idiot.Who puts a box of water bottles in the middle of the floor in a SMALL room!Logic you dumb twatt.

Work is pretty boring today although the radios not as shit.Kinda shit though. Going to Wellington in two days. Rather exciting. I hope i don't go crazy eating bakery food all day and candy and chocolate and ice cream and anything good. Would be nice to get a few walks into the trip too. But if its cold I'm staying inside with my bag of green and shmoking the week away. Ahh what a life. Will just be good to be away from work.